courage...
this is my word for right now...
the word courage means more to me than any other word at this very moment. the courage to be able to say another very specific word outloud without having to whisper it. to say it without being judged, the word I never thought I would hear uttered to me ever, the word I never thought I would say to describe my life at this very moment.
the word I'm still working up the courage to talk about because talking about it out loud will begin to allow me to heal. I don't know if I'm ready to heal yet - I don't think I can heal yet and each day I think that I can talk about it out loud - I can't - cannot say the word to people I know.
I am scared that is why courage is my word. Although I don't know if I'm ready yet -I know that I need to get to that place to begin to allow myself to heal. I need to have the courage to say the word out loud to anyone at anytime instead of hiding it.
this one little word is changing the entire course of my life. everything I thought I was, every moment I saw in my future, my whole world is being changed because of this one little word...
so right now my most important word is courage...
the courage to have the strength to say that word that hurts me more than anything else in this entire world, the word that makes me sick to my stomach, the word that knocks the wind out of me...
this word is divorce...
I found this quote below and thought it was extremely fitting for my life today so I needed to post it so I can look back and hopefully have the courage to talk about divorce out loud, with anyone, at anytime. sadly, it is what my life has become...
also hoping that anyone out there reading this blog will read this quote and have the courage to do something they find almost impossible...
It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. -Alan Cohen
posted by pinkscrapaddict @ 6:40 PM
13 Comments:
just remember you are not doing this alone. we are all here for you to support you and encourage you...even though you may feel totally alone in this big world right now-i'm just a phone call away! i love you girl...stay strong and don't lose sight of that inner rock star!
Proud of you. Proud of your character. Proud of your strength among the complete unknown of what you are dealing with. Proud is the word I think of when I think of you. Here for you always.
angie
Of course you have probably heard this a lot but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and that is how I think when times are tough. Stay strong girl...Miss you lots :o)
There is SO MUCH love and support surrounding you and I hope you never lose sight of that. I admire your strength and maturity so much. Most of all, I admire your honesty. You have helped me deal with some of the hardest obstacles in my life through being open and honest and REAL. I love you for that.
You WILL get through this.
You are a WONDERFUL mama.
I am SO LUCKY to call you my friend.
And to quote my totally cliche new favorite song...
"When the sun shines
We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'm a stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella."
Love you, girl.
These are the words that come to me when I think of you after I read your courage. Is LOVING, KINDHEARTED, INCREDIBLE MOTHER, AMAZING FRIEND, CARING SISTER, GREAT PERSONALITY, ENORMOUS HEART, THOUGHTFUL WOMAN, and a FABULOUS PERSON.
Many people in this world never even get to say that have a best friend. But you can say you have many. So remember you have all these people that love you and are here for you. I am so proud to say that you are my niece.
May the stars carry your sadness away,
May the flowers fill your heart with beauty,
May hope forever wipe away your tears,
And, above all, make you stronger.
LOVE
AUNT BARBARA, UNCLE STEVE, STEPHEN AND AMBER.
COURAGE YOU HAVE. STAND TALL AND LOVE THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU BACK
To use the word "divorce" and "courage" together seems appropriate. It takes a lot of courage to travel through this chapter in your life, as courage is what keeps you sane when you think you cannot take one more breath, or you want to scream at the top of your lungs, etc etc. But.... you will make it through those bad times, and it makes you even stronger!
The positive side of "divorce" is you will realize how strong, courageous, smart, talented, independent, liked, loved, and beautiful woman that you are. When all said and done, this will transform you into being a person you never thought you could be and you will love her. And....in the end you will utter the words THANK YOU!! As the next chapter in your life will be better and this was just a stepping stone to get to that point. You have the advantage in all this. As when you look in the mirror at yourself and look into Eli's eyes you have found the meaning of courage. Love Aunt Pinky
guess you shouldn't have done some of the things you did...
Iwant you to know that in the end of this you will know that you are the better person..Just know that you have all the family love and help anytime.i know that that you are stronger i love you nanny
i love you if you need to kick ass call me UNCLE KENNY
well i wish u and eli the best in your next journey through life.you keep being the strong hearted individual that you are and always been and teach that wonderful son of yours the same and just look at this as a speed bump in the road that you will overcome and be the much greater of a person
well i love you and eli and wish u both the best
angelo
angelo
Just want you to know that I love and admire you. You are a strong independent woman. I will be here for you know matter what it is you should need. Heather
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